Perry Maddox reminds leaders that every word counts and shares seven simple, but powerful, phrases to help leaders lead with language.
We’re working on manners with our four-year-old these days.
It’s a slow burn. For every “please” we elicit, we get two screaming outbursts.
Despite the frustration of taming our little beast, I empathise with him. “Say this, not that,” we instruct. Don’t forget to say that word. Say it like you mean it.
It must be confusing. Why is one word magic and not the others? What’s really so different between “can I have” and “may I have?”
Unsurprisingly, it got me thinking about how leaders use their words.
When You Lead with Language, Every Word Counts.
All these manners and rules probably seem like a mysterious code to him.
Ask anyone who’s lived in another culture, and they’ll know the challenge of learning what to say and what to avoid. Good travellers take the time to get this right because they know that manners bind us together as people and as societies. They are code for expressing consideration, respect and connection.
When we use manners regularly – and when we mean what we say – small, simple phrases like “please” and “thank you” add up to much more. They build relationships, connection and trust.
Just like good leaders.
Seven Simple Power Phrases for Leaders.
We have scarce time and lots to communicate.
Here are a few of the shortest, most powerful phrases for leaders to build relationships, to help teams and to connect:
- I Don’t Know. Nothing is more freeing. Too many leaders want to know it all. Acknowledging where your knowledge ends is a strength. Just don’t stop there. It’s good to be vulnerable, not incompetent. Follow “I don’t know” with a solution like “I’ll come back to you tomorrow with the answer” or “would you explain it to me?”
- How Are You? For many folks, this is an empty greeting. What a waste. I start most meetings with this question, and guess what, I actually want to know the answer. Insight into how someone is feeling on a given day connects us and informs the adaptive, supportive leadership that enables the best in our people.
- What Do You Think? Pairs beautifully with “I don’t know.” It’s easy to see the world only through the lens of what we think we know. That’s a great way to lose the rich insight that comes from diverse perspectives, be it from people different to you or from people in different roles. Ask this one before you share your views.
- I’m Sorry. Leaders own their mistakes. And even when we get it right, our actions can cause pain. That restructure we need to do to keep the organisation afloat? It may be the right decision, but it will hurt some of your people. Sincerely acknowledging and seeking to heal the pain we cause is fundamental to leadership.
- Why, why, why? We must create space for people to reflect, instead of rushing from one task to the next. This goes beyond celebrating a win or fixing a problem. Help them dig deeper, reflecting on the factors behind that success or that failure. Drawing out these lessons helps people to internalise and to apply them for future success.
- Thank You. Do you regularly express genuine gratitude for your people? If you’re leading well, you’ll be surrounded by talented, committed and driven people working hard to make a difference. Make time to genuinely express your gratitude. You’re only as good as your team.
- I Trust You. If you don’t trust your people, stop reading and go fix that, now. When you do trust your team, express it. Never underestimate the importance of your people knowing that you trust them to lead from their expertise and to make their ideas real. Micromanagers need not apply. Trust them to blow you away. They will.
The Best Way to Lead with Language.
Stop talking.
Our teams hear plenty from us, so make space for others to speak. Practice your listening. Put others on the stage. Ask others to chair meetings. Pass the mike.
Like the phrases above, listening has a double impact. We show that we value others and help to get the best results. Excitingly, we also condition ourselves as leaders to think, to speak and to act differently over time. Small acts of gratitude, of humility, of trust and of listening reinforce those same qualities in us as leaders over time.
See it now?
Leading with language isn’t about leading others. It’s about leading ourselves.
Kind of like taming our inner four-year-old.
Thanks for reading.
