Perry Maddox goes beyond the feedback tricks to explore how managers can give feedback that gets results, improves performance and helps people grow.
Does anyone really like feedback?
Ever felt that building stress when you’re about to receive some tough feedback? The build-up is miserable. Please just spit it out, and let’s be done with this.
Maybe you’ve spent days thinking about how to deliver a difficult message to someone else? Playing it through in your head and rehearsing. Then comes the awkward conversation. Please let this end.
We’ve all been there. We know feedback is essential for our growth, but we’re fed up with it.
Mainly because lots of people get it so wrong.
That Feedback Trick Isn’t Working.
Feedback should be great for us.
It’s an ideal way to learn practically and to locate blind spots. Feedback helps us to step up professionally and to grow personally. It helps organisations to correct under-performance, to connect teams and to evolve.
Yet, a lot of leaders are terrible at giving feedback.
Some get angry, shouting, yelling or even bullying. Sadly this overcompensating macho approach is all too common in our sector. It blows my mind.
Others sugar-coat it. They soften the message so much that they fail to make the point. The first time that I had to fire an employee, I was so passive, so afraid of hurting his feelings, and so convoluted. By the end, he didn’t realise that he had lost a job. Fail for the ages.
Giving difficult feedback is, well, difficult. It is neither fun nor easy, and that’s why we lean on feedback tricks and techniques to help us.
Google it and you’ll find loads of clever tips for giving feedback, from compliment sandwiches to breakup techniques. They all promise that if you just follow these steps, use this approach or that clever trick, your feedback will be better. Everybody has the perfect approach for giving feedback, from the internet to your boss.
Most of the time those tricks don’t work anyway.
Why Matters Most, Not How.
There’s one technique that makes all the difference.
Simply ask yourself why you are giving this feedback in the first place. If the answer isn’t to help the person, no clever trick is going to help you land your message.
It’s all about intent.
If your goal is to tell somebody off, they’ll leave deflated no matter your technique. When the goal is simply to fix a problem or to improve performance, they’ll leave that meeting feeling like a cog in a machine. If you are mainly worried about not hurting their feelings, don’t be surprised if they leave confused as to what the meeting was about.
But if your intent is truly and genuinely to help someone, that intent will come through without the need for clever techniques. Starting from this place ensures that the conversation will go as well as it can.
This doesn’t mean you have to be apologetic or overly soft. We’re still here to improve performance, to speed up learning and to fix problems with constructive feedback. The difference is beginning with the desire to help the person.
If you’re seeking to genuinely help somebody to grow, to learn or to succeed, that’s technique enough.
Want to be Great at Giving Feedback?
Take a look in the mirror. Then ask why you’re giving this feedback in the first place.
If you’re looking to fix a problem, remember to focus on the person too. If you’re feeling angry or feeling afraid, slow your roll and take a moment to process your emotions before you push them onto somebody else.
Our goal as leaders is to help people grow and to bring their full selves to work. We give feedback to help our people become the best version of themselves that they can be. We are here to help our people to perform, to succeed, and to get the job done. To be happy and to grow. To make a difference together.
So before you worry too much about whether you’ll use this tip or that technique the next time you have to give some sensitive feedback, check yourself first.
Am I doing this for the right reason? If so, you’re well on the way.
That compliment sandwich might even taste good for once.
2 Comments
Yes, intention is worth so much, well said.
Would be good to hear your views on the flip-side of this – receiving feedback.
Nice one. I’ve put it on the list for future blog. Such an important one because there’s real art in receiving feedback too, and I say this as someone with an almost-clinical aversion to being managed!