Jayma Pau explores the value of vulnerability and the power of connection, sharing practical tips for leaders to let the light in.
Anyone know the song Anthem by Leonard Cohen?
I’ve found that I’ve become more curious about his music since his death. These particular lines haunt me, in the best possible way.
Forget your perfect offering…. There is a crack, a crack in everything….. That’s how the light gets in.
Leonard Cohen, Anthem
The crux of it is that we, humans, connect through our vulnerability. The things that are ‘broken’ inside us.
Yet, why is it that, as leaders, our starting point is often to portray a façade of perfection?
The Power of Vulnerability.
Brené Brown’s famous TED talk is a great starting place to learn about vulnerability and connection.
I recently had the opportunity to see these principles of connection and of letting the light in transform a leadership team.
A team working on climate change began the year with a strategy session for their team. The purpose was to align priorities at the start of a big year.
On day 1, they started with the ‘business’ – having teams present their plans in order to ensure alignment. The conversation was fine but felt jarring. Their feedback on the day was that something was missing, but they couldn’t figure out what.
On day 2, they tried something different. Before working on their strategic priorities, they started by asking one another a question: ‘as we start this important year, what’s one thing that this team needs to know about me?’
This time, the feedback glowed. Participants said that ‘’the opening question nailed it! Very moving, emotional, inspiring. We got through the work a lot quicker and people were much more engaged and open.’’
A small change – of simply asking a different question to start the day – set a course for connection, engagement and better outcomes.
How to Build Connection through Vulnerability.
As we go further into 2021, another bizarre year where connection and motivation continue to be challenging, what are the quick wins for building connection through vulnerability?
- Drop the façade. People can see right through it. No-one expects us to be on great form every day. It’s more powerful to let colleagues see what’s happening for us. By opening up to them, they will in turn open up to us.
- Lead by example. If expressing ourselves fully is a new idea for your team, it will take some time to build the muscle. Raising self-awareness is a lifetime journey. In this context, create conditions on team calls to check in with one another. Make it ok for the ‘cracks’ to come through. Start with your own.
- Hold the discomfort and doubt, even if it derails things. Vary how you do this. It could be a quick one word ‘’how are you feeling’’ on chat. It could also be a more time-intensive conversation, perhaps in breakout groups.
- Ban words like ‘’ok…fine….good’’ when describing how we are. They tell us nothing, yet it’s often our instinct.
- Don’t feel the need to solve people’s emotional admissions in a group context. Just because we’re naming them, which requires courage, it doesn’t mean we need them to be fixed.
- Close the gap between personal and professional. Make it ok for the conversation to turn into what’s happening ‘at home’ for people if that’s what they need to talk about.
Where’s the Deck?
Not long ago I worked with the leader of a global company, new in his role and committed to creating a good team vibe. He was excellent at leading with vulnerability, having shared widely some painful personal stories and the ramifications for his career.
It took some time for his new leadership team to understand and support his style and approach. He insisted they started their weekly team meetings with a ‘check in’. The team found it perplexing. ‘Where’s the deck?’ one asked.
Six weeks into this ritual, relationships had grow and trust had deepened. Because there was much more awareness within the team about the juggling that this group of individuals was needing to navigate, they were more able to support one another more fully.
It worked so well that each member of the team started the ‘check in’ idea with their teams, thus cascading this approach across the company.
Leaders Show Up, Cracks and All.
Showing up fully is a necessity of a 21st Century leader, even more so at this difficult moment in time.
By stretching ourselves, into these vulnerable, slightly edgy places, we’re growing. The research shows that adult transformation occurs when we push beyond our comfort zones.
We’re all flawed. Our cracks are beautiful. They create the connective tissue between us as humans.
That’s how they let the light in.
