Perry Maddox reflects on stress as a cost of leadership and shares a powerful approach to create space for recovery and inspiration.
As we walked our four-year old home from school last week, he blurted out:
“That man is fat…”
My parent brain went into overdrive, searching for the words to explain why we don’t comment on other people’s appearance. But before I could speak, he finished his sentence,
“…just like you, daddy.”
Ugh. Nothing like being told you’re overweight by an innocent child.
Normally, I would laugh it off. To be fair, I’ve put on a couple lock-down pounds this year. But surprisingly, it hurt. I couldn’t put my finger on why.
The next day I spoke with a colleague and found myself apologising for being reactive. My emotional resilience is just so low right now, I found myself saying.
I just don’t have anything left in the tank, I told her.
Surviving the Stress of Leadership.
2020 sure has taken some of the shine off of leadership.
At one moment we’re scrambling to keep our organisations afloat. The next we’re tearing up our plans because the landscape changed, again.
Yet we keep going as leaders. We’re not going to let our causes or our people down. This is where we earn our bread.
Look, I don’t buy the masochistic mantras of so many CEOs on social media who tell you just have to work harder, hustle more and outwork everyone else. Let’s be real.
Burning the midnight oil is just another way to describe burning out.
And yet, I’ve been there all year.
Facing a pandemic, a recession, a lock-down and a baby. Working overdrive to keep up, trying to hide it so my teams don’t feel pressure to do the same. Neglecting self care without noticing it.
I’m flat out shattered.
No wonder a funny comment from my son got to me. Like many an innocent observation from kids, it got me thinking.
How to Prioritise What Matters Most.
A few years ago I sat down with a group of brilliant but exhausted leaders in Alwar, India. As we looked out over a valley covered in the resplendent yellow of mustard fields, we discussed how we were feeling .
Like me, many were tired and full of stress. They were also frustrated at their lack of the time to be more strategic, to create, to look to the future. In many ways, they were too busy to lead. Sadly, self care came last. The day to day had overwhelmed them. Sound familiar?
Something had to change. I shared a very simple tool to help.
The calendar may not be the sexiest tool, but it’s the most powerful one. When we use a calendar well, we take back control. When we don’t use a calendar, workflow happens to us, and we never seem to find time for what matters most.
So claim the power over your schedule now. Make the space for what matters most. It need not be a huge investment. I’m talking about 20 or 30 minutes, during working hours.
Every day.
Schedule Your Stress Away.
Now enjoy filling that small daily break with what you need.
A couple of my favourites:
- Schedule health, rest and self care. I often take a quick nap during the day, but it could be a run, a quick flow on the yoga mat, or just some merciful silence. One of my team has a calendar slot that simply reads “breathe air.”
- Schedule inspiration & joy. I like to hop over to the Restless social channels to watch a few videos and hear from young leaders. Nothing lightens your burden like reminding yourself why you do it in the first place.
- Schedule learning. Take a moment to read those interesting articles, report and newsletters you never quite get to. Leaders must be readers, but a webinar or short course works too.
- Schedule connection. Get out and see the work. Visit your programmes to see them in action. Have coffee with a team member or a partner. Meet with some of the people you serve. That’s always time well spent.
What do you want to schedule back into your life?
Tap into The Power of Rest.
I hear you.
Half an hour, every day? How am I going to do that if I’m already too busy?
Here’s where it gets cool.
Taking small breaks at work actually increases your performance. That’s right, simply scheduling a little breather makes you more effective across the whole day. Breaks help to improve mental well-being, to boost creativity and to build good habits. Win, win.
So let’s get scheduling our way to less stress, better performance, and more creativity.
It might even make the next walk to school more fun.
2 Comments
Is there really such a thing as stress? Man when I say that in training classes, you should hear some of the retorts.
I repeat what one of my psychology profs said, “stress does not really exist”. She advised, what people refer to as stress is simply a warning not to take outside pressure personal. She continued, if it is internally created…get some sleep and some professional help if that does not work.
It works…never had to seek outside help. Of course, I am not the brightest star in the sky.
I can only imagine the reaction you get to that one! Stress as a warning not to take outside pressure personally…what a powerful concept. It reminds me of something I read about a disciple who approached a Zen monk, asking for help quieting the anxiety in his mind. The monk replied saying yes, I will calm these anxieties for you…but first please bring them to me and set them before me. The disciple in that moment realised that his worries and fears were intangible, and he saw the futility of clinging to them. Love your advice Ashley on reframing ‘stress’ – something I’m going to try for sure – and the practical step of seeking professional help if it’s still too much makes it all the more sage wisdom.