Perry Maddox reflects on the debate around empathetic leadership and shares how to sustainably lead with empathy.
Last year, I led a large restructure at work.
Thanks to the pandemic and the politics of UK aid, our income dipped. When I discussed the inevitable with our Board, they encouraged me to be quick and to be kind.
Faced with letting staff go in the middle of a pandemic, I set out to lead with empathy.
We ran the consultation in an open, highly transparent and participatory way. Gathering lots of feedback from our people, we substantially reshaped our final structure based on their insight. For those we had to let go, we offered more generous payments than required with training to help them find their next job.
Decisive and empathetic, we aimed to reduce our cost base as fairly and as caringly as possible.
What I didn’t see at the time was the hidden cost of practicing empathetic leadership.
Do Good Leaders Need Empathy?
If the answer is obvious, think again.
On one hand, Dr. Christina Boedker, the leader of a large study of 77 firms concluded that “the ability of a leader to be empathetic and compassionate has the greatest impact on organizational profitability and productivity.”
Compassion and empathy are related, but different. Compassion is the awareness of others’ suffering and the desire to help them be happy and well.
Empathy, on the other hand, is understanding where others are coming from and sharing in how they feel.
Of the two, empathy is much harder work and comes with a greater toll. So argues the Wall Street Journal. Sceptical of empathetic leadership, it references “piles of data” that show empathetic leaders often struggle to make tough decisions.
I’ve seen that happen, many times. I’ve watched strong, empathetic leaders avoid hard decisions, delay uncomfortable discussions with staff, and disengage during moments when tough decisions must be made, like a restructure.
Empathetic Leadership: A Blessing and A Curse.
There are clear benefits to empathetic leadership.
The ability to understand people’s feelings, motivations and challenges allows leaders to tailor support to help people be their best. Empathetic leaders tend to make better connections, to build stronger teams and to nourish caring cultures. Empathy and inclusion go hand in hand, helping all to thrive. Empathic leaders also gain greater insight into morale and performance, informing everything from problem solving to resource allocation. That kind of insight is gold dust.
But I know those drawbacks, too.
In the restructure, I avoided some of traps of empathetic leadership. My annual review feedback reflected that I’d been both decisive on tough restructure decisions and that I’d gotten those decisions right in the final outcome. We definitely treated our people better than most others losing work in our sector.
What I didn’t see building was the personal cost.
Over 6 weeks of constant consultation, my emotional and physical reserves began to wane. Not surprising, considering the act of actively empathizing, listening to and communicating with a large group of people’s whose jobs were at risk at a terrible time. Remember, empathy is about sharing others’ feelings.
The cost – of balancing empathetic leadership with making the correct decisions required – eventually caught up with me. After a few comments from team members that I should have let slide, I let my frustration show in a meeting.
In the end, my empathetic approach back fired.
All Good Things in Moderation.
My conclusion? It’s about balance.
Like all leadership styles, empathetic leadership has pros and cons. To get it right, start by asking if empathy comes naturally to you or not:
- If it does, nourish and grow your empathy. Then take steps to protect against harm. Watch for the warning signs of the cost of empathetic leadership. Are you struggling to make tough decisions? Taking on others’ troubles? Draining your emotional reserves? If so, step back and rebalance your approach.
- If empathy doesn’t come naturally, that’s ok. Staff your weakness. You may not be naturally empathetic, but if members of your team are, they’ll help to build the benefits of an empathetic culture. Then take small personal steps to build your empathy. Take note of how you can better support empathetic people in your teams. Are you listening well, minding your feedback, and leading with language?
Empathetic leadership is a great way to lead.
Like any leadership approach, empathetic leadership benefits from balance, not extremes. The key is to identify your natural starting point and to find your balance.
Above all, give yourself permission to fail and to adapt as you find your balanced approach.
That’s called compassion.
